I woke up naked this morning and I found out that I thought I was Adam last night and Eve was my wife so I ran naked saying I was in the Garden of Eden and I could shit wherever I wanted.....too bad the garden was in my friends apt.......I spent the morning cleaning and have reached a new low
I just set a weed brownie on fire in the microwave.
Successful day.
You cheat on me once, shame on me. You cheat on me with a white girl, it's fucking over
The party theme was heirs and heiress's. Most guys came in polo shirts but he came as the "arch duke of vagina".
why is it ever time u get laid i end up having to clean something twice? you have no idea how hard it is to wash smugged ass cheeks off the counter
there not mine if that helps
No, I am not setting up my roomba to clean up puke.
I really wanna know when trying to grow up turned into try not to throw up.
We established that I was in 5th grade when she was in her final year of grad school. Her daughter is also in 5th grade.
We are without power. He took ALL the lightbulbs out and hid them.
You put your name in his phone but not your number then screamed "Open the door!" and jumped out of the car
Haha! You know I mean that in a positive way. Like, "let them eat cake!" Or in our case, "let them achieve obesity from the two entree plate at Panda Express!"
My dick has a subreddit
Date with Air Force guy was nice btw. And for my next trick I'll talk him into fucking me in his fighter jet at 30,000 ft.
besides the unzipped fly, the black eye and the toilet paper on your shoe you looked really sexy today baby!
I'm going to blackout. I realize this
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