If you borrow your friends real doll, should you wear a condom?
Great. There's a birthday party at work today. Now I can stand around and feel uncomfortable for an hour.
if i die of alcohol poisoning tonight, just know i kinda expected it and totally deserved it
do you remember waking up from your blackout, kissing me ever so softly on the stomach, and saying "i love you bro. so much," then passing back out?
I've never seen the starbucks guy more terrified than when you dove out the car window after your credit card
He tried to write down the address for the cab on half a bagel.
We all make mistakes. Just lock them up deep down inside your mind so they can surface as weird sexual fantasies it takes your therapist years to decipher when your 40
I'm just gonna yell "SURPRISE ME" and see what happens. No way this could go wrong
You woke up, mumbled something about forgetting to lock the truck at work, slapped my ass, then passed out again...
You were drinking whiskey from a beer bottle i dont know what you really expected...
The guy I made out with the other night fed me chipotle favored funions and I thought it was true love when I was drunk.
If you're signed up as "sober sister" can you do cocaine or nah
Stranded. In bathroom stall. No toilet paper. I repeat NO TOILET PAPER! Assistance needed asap. GO! GO! GO!
it's my fake id's birthday. i'm wearing a hat, and i have a beard. i'm untouchable. TO THE BARS!
where are you guys?
stoned at his house watching water boil
Randomize
