i have yet to find a random guy that would make me want to do any position besides missionary, these are what normal people call "applying standards"
you know you were refereeing rock paper scissors for who got to make out with your sister right?
So am i just your go-to 'i found a tick on my penis' number?
I'm drinking with 3 chicks and 1 gay dude. 100% chance I'm getting laid and 75% chance I'll enjoy it.
as he pulled out he yelled "no kids!" and then passed out on top of me
I have a very hazy flashback of me making out with a guy in a seashell bra??! Can you confirm or deny
It's raining beautiful colors and I don't know what the fuck is going on
The ultimate Father's Day bonding experience: Both getting bailed out of jail by mom for mooning some shithead cop.
The man who lives downstairs is fluent in Russian, and also a playboy. You should meet.
Doing a circuit workout and using a power hour playlist for my 1 minute timers. I am getting old. creative, but old.
Most people would probably take his lack of responses as a queue to stop. But nope, not me. I just keep going. And that's why I don't have a bf, just a little weinered friend
apparently I stole your wolf lighter. probably bc you made me howl while you puked over your deck railing.
Is it a coincidence that the reminder on my phone to take my birth control is "I'm ready to party" from Bridesmaids?
I need my sock, sombrero, maracas, and I just heard I had a light saber, if thats the case...i want that back too
If the multiverse is real, would you screw yourself? I'd screw myself.
Randomize
