I think drunk me is telling hungover me something... I just have to crack the code.
at first I thought it was funny, but looking at it now, it screams "dramatic" and "medicated wipes."
In order of importance: Where am I? Where's my car? Where are my clothes? Who is this chick in the room?
Anne's couch, the bar, your car, Anne.
First thought today, I need a ventriloquist dummy that looks like me. This week's project has been determined.
I just spend twenty minutes scrubing the "Happy Birthday" off of my vagina. He's never gonna forget this.
Actually, what with the curvature of the Earth, it's faster to leave from Washington. And Google maps recommends kayaking instead of swimming.
He told me I look like a librarian today. I hope that means he has a librarian fetish or something
Disregard. He says he said I look "agrarian" today and just proceeded to compare me to Mumford and Sons. Fuck it, I'm going home and drinking
I got drunk and tried to make special rice krispie treats, but I made a mess and they were all stuck to my hands, so I just decided to eat my way out of the catastrophe and I think shit's about to get even weirder than usual.
I don't trust a bar IN TENNESSEE that doesn't have Jack Daniels.
for not the first time in my life, my clothes are covered in piss and i'm standing in line waiting to buy pedialyte at a convenience store
I'm not even 100% sure what it is, but if it involves Thor and Doritos, I'm in
I feel like I shouldn't be encouraging my friends to hook up with their teachers.....but if it's for academic reasons....then I definitely encourage it.
Is it weird to befriend your older alcoholic landlords?
I still can't believe a guy pooped in my backyard
His mom wants to come see the dorm.
Hide the whip.
Randomize
