did you get engaged???
oh well we may not be friends on facebook but at least i got laid
He def has a gf... But hes 7 feet tall and that superceeds any morality I may have.
Two hours into move in day and the ambulance is here already.
Yeah. You can ask him out. We're just fuck buddies. My vagina will be sad but your heart can be happy.
our flight took off 8 am and the bar didn't close til 5, so we decided it was a good idea to just stay out all night. Drunk logic is awesome. We were all scared we wouldn't get let onto the plane
My lecture teach is passed out next to me. I think I'm doing pretty good for a freshman.
So I'm thinking that so long as I have this piercing, I'm going to get tested for explosives at the airport
I consider any night I don't make out with someone a bad night. So I've been great.
I just bout myself an edible arrangement for myself and had it delivered to work. I even wrote myself a note. This is a new low for me.
I just can't have sex in the car again. it's just too much
My idiot ex texted me on Valentine's day to tell me I was right, he did need a therapist.
Also while I’m drunk I saw your penis in like 4th grade when I walked past the boys bathroom
i ate pretzels. i might be the first human to be hospitalized from pretzels. that's how bad this is.
They were playing some sort of fast food scavenger hunt game as an ice breaker. Some chick stamped a Starbucks logo on my hand and told me to go find the girl with the matching stamp and fill her with cream.
Dave had an Arby’s stamp and some sorority girl grabbed him and screamed “I’ve have the meat!”\n
Randomize
