k, so I just picked a four leaf clover, then saw my dads penis. Lucky? I think not.
kevin brought a 6ft brunette runway model with him tonight. Now, im not sure what the fuck the color of the " i get it, its over, Im ugly" flag is.... but i'll wave it.
is there an easy way to say "i didnt plan on sleeping with you until i saw how drunk you were" ?
I said I wanted my dignity back. He brought my thong to me after sharpie-ing "dignity" on the front. I'm not sure if I should me mad or impressed.
My roommate has every episode of Full House. I'm going to fail my midterm tomorrow.
I'm out of vodka and money. My semester is officially over. The way I see it, my finals are just forms I need to fill out in order to leave campus.
What happened to "I wouldnt even touch her with a ten foot pole"?
Her vagina devoured it.
You thought you were drunk? I woke up at 6 o'clock this morning with a cheeseburger in my left hand a drink in my right with my window half way down. it was raining.... fml
So now I'm lying here in bed taking notes from Teen Mom... I fucked up
You left me a drunk voicemail of you describing your pizza to me at 2 AM
Just once I'd like to go out and not have to tell you to put your pants back on.
We do have a rich storied history of emotional warfare
Just got home from work. I'm going to change into sweats for a while before I have to wear normal pants to the party like I promised.
i woke up on the third floor, naked in a closet.
Feel free to drag me back to reality at your convenience
Randomize
