My girlfriend went down on me and as she did she hummed the theme from star wars and pretended my dick was a lightsaber...I'm buying the engagement ring tomorrow
God. I'm so broke I don't even have a dollar to snort my adderall through.
Just found two Xanax on the floor at the tanning bed. And yes, Im taking them...looks like going to get cancer is paying off
just ate frosted cheerios in coffee with some marshmellows. the college diet begins
He just called me juicy booty via text message.
i just remember explaining why my socks were better than everyone elses.
I don't know... But I do think this is probably the longest series of texts we've written discussing your cock. David was right, it is a brave new world. Also, slow day at work again?
Babe.. You are farting in your sleep and it literally smells like something crawled up your asshole and died.. I'm gagging and I feel like I'm eating your fart right now. I want to tape your ass cheeks shut and plug up that canon you call your ass. All I hear is snores and farts.. You are lucky I love you
Wait, just ask him if can you can join in. You haven't lived until you've taken part in a threesome with your father...or so I've heard
I'm sorry I didn't get you anything for your birthday
It's just you didn't get me the fucking bear suit last year
REMEBER. We are young, horny, and poor. If someone wants to give us alcohol... TAKE. IT.
I've never had someone have to dis-arm themselves before I sucked their dick prior to that
How many hotdogs are you going to eat today?
THE LIMIT DOES NOT EXIST.
I'm naked on my couch and just ate a chip that was in my belly button.. my 20s have been weird.
It's a family event: you have to drink. No way around it. Its the law.
Randomize
