I'm at a Mexican Walmart. Wish you were here.
He's so far in the closet he's in Narnia
i was rollin on her like bob the builder
sometimes i wish i could just stick a turkey baster up there and suck out the blood
Found my new morning breakfast spot. Hospital cafeteria. Nobody asks questions, they just assume shit went downnn
She handed me a mouthguard and said "here, you're going to need this" that rough.
Only she could turn her genital wart appointment into a date night.
I spent most of the night convinced it was my birthday. But I was probably wrong, it can't be January, can it? I'm 90% sure its not. But maybe. The days have got shorter. Is this what unemployment feels like to everyone?
My only expectation is honesty. And three orgasms every time.
Apprently after I bit that bouncer, it all went down hill.
I give you full permission to fuck a rando on my air mattress.
Also, the greatest of ironies: I got shampoo confiscated by security while Corey managed to get pot through. MERICA!
Probably gonna run and pray I throw up. Then go get a coffee/bagel & continue to rally
If my vagina was a person it would have a bandage around its head and it's arm in a sling rn
One a scale of one to hella drunk, how gracefully can I make it down those stairs
Randomize
