I feel like I got hit by a truck made out of Jack Daniels.
Whoever decided putting Tom Seizmore and Heidi Fleiss together in rehab should win some kind of award.
I managed to convince him it was his fault I cheated on him...he spent the last 40 minutes going down on me. I feel legendary.
We hotboxed his closet and accidentally lit some of his shirts on fire... do we have a fire extinguisher?
This is what we do on Thursday nights. Spray tans, blunts and drawing pictures of cats.
We fucked on shrooms. It's like his dick was a beam of light and when I came I turned into a prism and my orgasms were made of rainbows.
listen. he fixes things. buys me drinks and sticks his penis in my vagina. age means nothing at this low point in my life.
He just kept mumbling that he was too drunk for society and then he peed in a bush
Can you please explain to me why there are 7 bags of tacos in my bed?
I'm not in it for just the sex. If I wanted mediocre dick once a week I would have stayed with one of my exes.
Life if anyone rolls up to my funeral with shitty weed get them out of there
Thanks a lot dude. I'm grateful to you for your gift of pure piss.
We fucked on the roof... like that has to mean something
If you shit your pants and not say anything about it right before we have sex one more time I'm dumping you.
Am I the only one who finds it completely appropriate to pre-game our Brazilians?
Randomize
