i am so fucked up that i think i'm playing snood in my head.
well..are you winning?
I am so fucking pissed, there are no Shamwows in the As Seen on TV Store.
Looks like you'll have to stick to jizzing in socks.
Ugh, here's a dating tip. Hairy legs are a major turn off
I hope God doesn't listen to everybody on a Saturday night.
I think we were cool up until the point where he saw that planned parenthood was on my speed dial.
when are you leaving homes?
it's 7:51. why the fuck are you awake at 7:51
I had a sex dream about Oprah.
go back to sleep
dude. it was a sex dream. about. Oprah.
this is not okay. even my mom refers to me as a sorostitute.
you blew your rape whistle in his face every time he got near a girl till he left the party...
I got the number from the girl at uhaul even after she saw me throw up all over the parking lot with a 6 pack in my hands.
Everyone is speaking Spanish and this 300 hundred pound chick is talking about the time she got out of prison... Fuck this place
I've justified worse with less. I had sex with your brother because he was wearing a nice sweater
I achieved maximum drunk last night. It was pretty extreme. Woke up on a couch, outside, in a suit
Some nights you just end up digging your mcdouble out of the trash and eating it. it happens.
Yeah I don't think your wife thinks it's a good thing that you're fucking your cousin.
yeah the cops just showed up and they got there ass handed to them at beer pong.
Randomize
