I asked my mom, she said yes...but you have to shower with grandpa.
I just saw a homeless man dressed as a pirate. I love san francisco.
is this the only place in the world where you can get shot on one side of town, and have to stop for cows crossing the street on the other side?
there was a trapeze. enough said
I'm gonna have bed sores at the end of this hangover.
she was so "full of love" from watching twilight that she came over and gave me a handjob. when does the next movie come out?
my dog ran away and came back with a marajuana plant. what are you doing tonight?
At least my shower head will respect me in the morning.
Do you know how hard it is to get cum out of a straw hat!?
ok... i just had to be reminded that people in animal costumes were feeding me shots at the bar.
do you still have a key to my apartment? Without going into too much detail locked myself out naked on the patio, currently using a deck cushion to cover myself so kids walking home from school dont see me
well. can officially check "get caught having sex on the front porch by the neighbors" off the bucket list.
I just saw a cat, if i ate those mushrooms 15 minutes earlier i wouldn't have made it to the bar
You asked him if he would have sex with you under the dinosaur. He declined and then you started crying, blaming the sand.
It’s only loud for those who wanna get loud. The bowlers are protected.
Randomize
