So the next morning, she had to tell her kids we were moving furniture around all night.
How fortunate humanity is that it need not rely on the female orgasm for procreation
Yeah someone just put a trash bag that says "use protection" on the snow penis
Out of beer. Salsa pong. Never again.
it was really awkward meeting your mom for the first time while i was still wearing the condom we were using.
These shoes are way too nice for a walk of shame. Its how I keep myself in line.
Apparently she saw two women get in a slapping match over a comforter at target yesterday. She said it was awesome. Clearly I take after her.
We won 11 games of beer pong, and then I spent a half hour trying to get into the top bunk. Then i realized it was a cabinet in the bathroom
I am in a hotel room with 10 people. John is in bed eating an industrial sized pan of mashed potatoes. I think a non insignificant number of people saw my nipples.
The guy next to me just said he wont play beer pong on principle. Im scared.
i puked in the 2nd best shower and the couple fucking in the 1st didnt even pause so you might wanna hold off on that for a while
I got so many dick pics last night. It was like a slideshow from heaven.
It took me longer to finish the bottle of scotch we bought together on New Years than it did for her to meet a new guy and get engaged
she said she doesn't remember seeing me at all last night. ...I was with her for six hours, there's no way she could have been blackout the whole time
Dude, I'm sorry if you saw me getting head in my truck last night. My bad.
Randomize
