Heyy I kind of wanted to apologize and excuse myself for last night. I feel like that was a little much. I just met you. That's why I don't like tequila. Haha
You know it's an interesting night when you drunkenly scream at your boss, "You'd make a HORRIBLE OBGYN!! You're hands are ENORMOUS!"
i talked to you about this last night, and you kept saying "he wants yo pusssaayyyyyy"
I'll be a little late, "getting ready for the party" turned into "smoking a bowl and doing lines in my room for an hour and a half." But I'm on my way now. With coke. And weed.
Hey fuck you and your taint. I'm just riding a canoe called life, back the fuck off. P.s. I need a ride
Why is your name on a gluestick in a plastic baggy stuck to my door?
Please tell me that chemistry equipment is for chemistry and not for producing felonies.
I would love a rich wife. Then I would be like a gym teacher or some shit. Bigfoot hunter maybe.
He keeps bees of course he's weird
I lost my vibrator temporarily and for some unknown reason my first thought was that you might have stolen it. But then I realized you would never do that because you know it keeps me from killing people. But I am overtired and lacking in faith.
Smoking a bowl and ordering Dominos, you want in on either, both, or none?
Just paid for my STD meds using a giftcard I got for Christmas. Thanks mom.
Fuck. Totally just had sex instead of studying for econ test in an hour. Gonna get fucked again. HELP ME WITH YOUR EXTENSIVE KNOWLEDGE OF ECON
So some guy thought I took second place in a male stripper competition
I'm pmsing pretty hard.. .just cried 3 times while eating a Hershey bar dipped in peanut butter
Randomize
