Rock
Scissors
Fuck
We're going on a mission for new porn. And ice cream.
Hey I never found my wallet but i did find a bag of 14 soft taco supremes
I have your wallet. Trade you for the tacos.
I feel like a squirrel prepping for the winter on dollar beer nights.
i honestly don't know why someone didn't cut me off after i broke the ceiling lamp with MY HEAD
It's take your daughter to work day... I really shouldn't be here right now
Fucken Tweens. They smelled like cotton candy and hand jobs my nostrils were offended.
i know you're at the dentist, but this dick pic was too phenominal to wait and i deserve immediate tit compensation
This is a mass text. First one to reply gets head.
Before anyone claims this, this chick is in my boyfriend's phone as "Worst BJ EVER!"
Does that mean you're calling dibs or can I?
Nothing like hearing "I found your pinky nail" before you even noticed it was missing.
Well once I told her I had a girlfriend she actually got more aggressive. Then Danielle called me and she saw the pic of the two of us on my phone and immediately said "can my caller I'd pic be me sitting on your face" wtf?
You have amazing self restraint. If there was one thing I could learn from you, that wouldn't be it. I love my life as it is.
I found pix on her phone of me passed out and her sticking things up my ass. Its over.
Ate his Chinese food and drank his beer and played with his chihuahua. All while wrapped in a towel while he was sleep.
Someone just said “I need to use up this money before I’m tits up under the dirt” so I think I’m going to start using that in my daily vocabulary.
Randomize
