THEY JUST PLAYED KISS FROM A ROSE TONIGHT IS PERFECT
Whatever. I'll let someone else deal with his flacid penis.
while we were having sex she stopped and said, "god is always watching". Then she started again with no other words said. We were fucked up.
Our dealer is pledging my frat. When he come to sell me weed I make him take out the garbage.
Just got tipped $5 for distracting some dude's gf while he got another girl's number. Bro-code at its finest.
They woke me up at 4 in the morning screaming "drunk adventure time!" because they needed a sober chaperone. They made me walk them around the block shoeless.
my mom went out and bought me new sheets and redecorated my room. its like she's more excited for me to get laid tomorrow for the first time in two months than I am.
It was my little brother's 14th birthday today. Didn't know what to get him so I just showed him how to use incognito tabs on google chrome.
It's a given that you're going to get peed on at a country concert
I spent most of the night trying to drink out of three bottles of beer at once. I don't have to be told the reasons I'm single
lost her for two hours. she was banging a russian guy in her car in the parking lot. he told her she was majestic.
His mom walking in on us having sex was probably the highlight of the night
That's fine. It's not illegal to bring ham into a museum.
Yess he was literally so drunk that like at one point I'm pretty sure he thought it was hard and in when neither were true :/ haha
Just sold my panties for 40 bucks to some rando dude at the gay bar. I think I found a way to fund next years spring break trip. Hello cancun!
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