I just stepped on my own foot and apologized to my shoe... THAT high.
My professor just gave everyone in the class extra credit... except for the kid wearing the Cubs hat
he drunkenly pissed himself on the deck, in the bathroom, and on my couch within the span of an hour
its like an avodart commercial...maybe he has a growing problem
So the chick throws up over the rail from the 15th floor at the sky bar and I knew I would take her back to my hotel.
seriously. next time...underwear. I'm not spending any other holiday season wondering if it'll be my last babyless one.
I may or may not have shit out a layer of my liver after that weekend.
see these eyes, they just want to bone and go to sleep.
You call it a hangover, I call it a baby squirrel burrowing its way out of my head.
after further investigation i found out he's a little bit married..
I was worried he'd break you after the hiatus your lady parts had to take from social interaction.
Stuck in the Minneapolis airport for 3 hours with an expense budget and a wine bar. This could get out of hand quickly.
Is it weird to wish your favorite hooker "happy thanksgiving"?
Speaking of, what are you doing next weekend? I'm going to a rope bondage seminar and may need a partner if my date bails.
I blasted the Halloween Before Christmas soundtrack last night so my roommate wouldn't hear me having sex. Needless to say the sex got a little weird.
Is it in poor taste to drop acid before midnight mass?
I love this.
Randomize
