peeing in bathroom at penn station and the homeless man next to me is combing his beard with a fork...god I love new york
lol whn u cming hre I nd 2 c ur fce
IF YOU TEXT ME ONE MORE SHORTENED VERSION OF A WORD, THE ONLY THING YOU'LL SEE IS MY FIST IN YOUR FACE.
Is it sad I memorized the exact change required for a #7 at Wendy's?
I just found out why they dont make table-dance tables out of glass.
george bush was a better president for first pitches than barack obama. there. i said it.
Just walked into the bar to find a guy in a Boba Fett helmet leaning casually against the wall, texting. This night just got real.
I spent the entire night stroking his hair. He was cool with it. Never thought a ginger stoner would help me work through my social anxiety but here we are.
I was supremely disappointed in the lack of dick and doughnuts in my life last week.
Well my summer has already been productive. I partially caused a divorce.
When are your genitals available?
I mean, don't most people have like a two week grace period where it's okay to ditch new friends?
He can't say no, it's my spiritual goddamn quest.
I woke up with a bunch of jolly ranchers and an eight ball in my purse. Successful
Oh and people at work think i got knocked up so my gay roomie is claiming it as his lol
He grabbed at it like it was a stress ball or something. It's a boob, not a grapefruit. The fuck.
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