I have two girls sleeping in my bed naked and I ended up making it to class, what were you saying about staying in on the weekdays?
We turned everything surrounding BP and the oil leak into a "that's what she said" drinking game. We've been drunk for a month
I'm going to try to be reasonable tonight and keep my drink count out of double digits
Look, the fact that I didn't kick him out and rip your clothes off speaks very highly of me.
I knew you were blacked out when you started refusing beer.
all i remember was her shitting herself and asking me to call her parents.....i so didn't. when i woke up she was gone and left a note saying "we will be lovers forever"
You threw up in your own shoe then wore it home
I'm sexting with a 20 year old that has a foot fetish... This is what Sailor Jerry drives me to do.
Every time I download Tinder again, I hate myself a little more.
You snapped me at 3am drunk laying on your floor asking if I knew how we couldn't have predicted the housing crisis.
Putting a bow on your dick doesn't make it a real present
i feel like if we ever had babies together they would just be drunk all the time
Dude... the time we have in life to be young and trivial is so incredibly short. I think we should drink tonight.
Some guy at the bar last night bought us Arrowhead water and I was so drunk, it tasted good
I don't want to be flamboyant (says the guy who bought a hot pink suit to be a flamingo for Halloween)--but I don't mind being a little extra.
Randomize
