I didnt attack him, I heard I threw a chair at him- big difference. And you know Im not a creep so whatever
I just fucked a rockette. This would have been amazing a week ago.
Don't take this the wrong way but I just mistook a trash can for you
Long labias. Talking about. Too drunk to explain. Tomorrow.
He gave them shots of purell and called it "acid rain" jello shots. They took them.
I hate freshman.
are we at that level where i can tell you your girlfriends tits looked really good yet?
They glued all of the ceiling tiles shut.
oh my god. you caused complete remodeling to a college campus that you don't even go to
i spent an hour trying to convince my psychiatrist that the fact that i showed up for my appointment drunk was progress, and she does not agree
She came to the party with six kegs and a life sized portrait of Lavar Burton. SHE WILL BE MY WIFE.
Laziness has hit a new level. I'm out of clean sexy underwear and meeting a boy tonight so I'm having a thong delivered via post mates.
Things he's good at: oral sex and geometry. Things he's not good at: actual sex.
So there I was, eye fucking the waiter and I spilled beer all down my boobs
You are attracted to power and since you can't date the married old guy you have to go for the next best thing - his gay son
It was terrible. I am sore from head to toe, neither of us got off, and we were at it for an hour and a half, I faked having a heart episode so we could stop. It worked.
My chance to home wreck was right in front of me and I didn’t grab it by the balls
Randomize
