When I went to court, my judge's name was Honorable Ball. I couldn't stop laughing.
that probably didn't help your case.
I just came to the conclusion that the most depressing part of my day is when I have to put clothes on.
ra ra ra ah ah
wtf?
sexting lady gaga style
i don't want you to think of me as your TA
Do you think my bosses would frown upon Jameson with breakfast on this holiest of days?
I now have an ENTIRE drawer of unused disposable silverware from Boston Market... and you guys said I needed to "buy" kitchen stuff
A picture just appeared on facebook. I am puking in the toilet, you are next to me puking in the sink. I think we have our christmas card.
You know, there is no convenient place for your beer when you are on shrooms taking a shower.
Have you ever stopped and thought "I do NOT want to be inside of this person right now. Or ever." Because you should.
I don't think I will ever be as happy about anything as this man next to me on the bus eating Taco Bell.
Doesn't matter how many times we tell him the kid's a freshman, he keeps repeating "cupcake boy shall be mine" and honestly you need to intervene
I swear you won't find cereal in your washer machine again.
I just ate cream cheese straight for my dog
I'm afraid to ask what that means
At one point of the night i was standing at the bar and 3 of them had their hands down my pants, they were like thumb wrestling for it.
Accidentally texted co-worker instead of bf “I’m wfh tomrw. Nooner? 💦”
Randomize
