So when does "going out for one drink" = giving some guy an HJ on the sidewalk?!?
College students should never be allowed to have snow days. Never.
The background of my phone is you taped to the wall wearing a cowboy hat
That's unfortunate. Distance can be a stoner's greatest enemy.
You make it sound like a battle for Middle Earth.
When people ask about my bruises, I'm just going to say it was a doorknob. Or possibly a group of doorknobs. Angry doorknobs.
I'd introduce you to the guys, but you'd probably make them all fall in love with you
I could do with a Floridian man-harem. Let's do this.
I also like to call Halloween "Mystery Fuck Day"
We need a bunch of roses, some chocolate, 2 cops, a mariachi band, and a thermometer
What drugs are we doing when you visit?
The correct answer is all the drugs because I just found out they have glow in the dark bubbles.
On the food pyramid big dick are "sometimes foods"
yea but i missed the pot and poured the boiling water on my dick. shit hurts. aint nothin easy about that mac
I'M GOING TO DIE ALONE WITHOUT ANYONE PRETENDING TO BE A MARRIED COUPLE WHILE DRUNK AT A MALL WITH ME
You have my heart. You only share my vagina.
So the same great-aunt that told me to freeze my eggs for procreation just told me that I should strut around the dance floor b/c I'd get picked up.
I need to meet your family.
NO NINJA FIGHTING AT THE GAS STATION
Randomize
