ur dog is so gonna tell on us one day.
for doing what?
for smoking bowls out on the deck while your parents aren't home.
honey bunches of taint.
he told me not be awkward when his girlfriend comes tomorrow. and then he made out with me
my dad brought home flowers.. so i started talking to them
Also, last night I had a dream that I was in a victoria's secret fashion show and they made me wear a t-shirt over my lingerie. Spring dieting begins now.
He turned me down because he was still doing his taxes.
I swear there's a gravitational pull from your vagina to large groups of men in uniform.
My friend and I just coined a new term. OBJ. The obligatory blow job. You totally know what I'm talking about.
Like if he goes down on you first, or you just don't want to bone him yet. OBJ.
you stumbled up the stairs in your heels, pulled 23 one-dollar bills out of your bra and then went and puked in the toilet. didnt say a single thing to me the whole time
I have just gotten home. I saw a lot of penis tonight. On a trampoline. Shit got weird.
Eredayimstrugglin ..Can we talk about the fact that I just typed "er" and it autocorrected to that. Fuck my life.
Morning! Im using your rent money to snort percocet.
We're currently sharing pics of our cats. I can't wait to sit on her face.
I feel like I got run over by a steamroller made of cigarettes and booze driven by all of the men I've slept with.
I'm going to be there later than expected. There was a yo-yo incident...
Randomize
