I just want you to know that were having pizza delivered to the emergency room
Transgendered man at work dawning a slutty batman costume. I hate Halloween
Apparently I mistakenly called the hair club for men at 3am... they called me back this morning.
Until last night, I had never actually thrown up ON a sandwich
So I am guessing last night was a success we are all accounted for and only 3 of us have hospital bracelets on
begin the sex magic rocket ship countdown
Gym?
Sweet baby Jebus, no. I'm Motley Crue hungover. This must be how it feels to rail a line of ants.
I seriously just caught my Pina colada from falling of a table perfectly facing up. I will now reward myself by finishing this one and then getting my 8th
When I said to give it to me hard and fast, I didn't mean like 15 seconds fast.
while he was teaching, every time he said "wet" he would look at me, that's what you get for sleeping with the professor's assistant
Well my unnaturally hairy chest finally came in handy. It took at least an hour to shave the american flag into my chest but I definitely went America all over that party
she fell asleep in a torn bush after playing cards at a nursing home.
Can you masturbate to someone liking your instagram picture?
What do you want. Tryin to service my husband like the good wife that I am. It is bj Tuesday
I was about to break it off with him because I realised he only wanted me for sex, until I realised that I only wanted HIM for sex. Win/win
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