i'm sorry for cheering you on when you were making out with him. i was just celebrating the fact he was decent looking for once
Apparently I confessed my love for him last night. Also, my love for cash4gold commercials.
What should we drink tonight, I'm in the mood to be judged
You talked about giving to sperm banks on a first date. What did you expect?
I just realized now that you're pregnant we can't use alcohol as currency
fucked a girl in the dry storage closet at work. knocked over a whole rack of tomato paste and pinto beans. and also i really hope my manager doesn't review this footage from the security camera
me + whiskey = a bad person
The fact that he quoted freebird as his breakup speech was a little more classy than expected
Drunk me started making nachos apparently but never got to the part with the cheese. There are chips everywhere
When dealing with embarassing medical issues, don't you want your brother's wife to be the one fishing around up your ass?
Beer. Pizza. Seething Rage. I will be full of two of these things tonight. You get to decide which two.
I can still taste your cum in my mouth and my in-laws are coming over. This should go well.
So bottomless mimosas = me waking up in a truck bed in a random neighborhood with no purse or phone or idea how I got there.
Must lick fork, like it's a DICK
Apparently I told the mayor I want to be a trophy wife
Randomize
