thought so. i woke up and he was playing with my eyeliner. I MAKE GREAT CHOICES.
Everything we own is covered in grass and KY
Help. Me. He just whispered 'prepare yourself', & sprayed hairspray everywheres to make sure the 'air was crisp'
So yeah you need to stop having near death experiences at McDonalds.
I think I found out what we're going be for Halloween....Alcohol poisoning victims.
Today is going to be the longest game of "was that a fart, or do I need to go wipe?" I have ever played. Maybe the most challenging too.
So we were having sex and his roommate walks in eating a bag of chips. Then proceeds to talk to us about his bitch of a professor.
Did he at least offer you guys chips?
A beef tasting is not what I needed while hungover
You're the common denominator of my blackouts.
Wow. Memory lane. What a horrendously unsightly jizz stain on the tapestry of life.
You know you had a good night when your wearing you best friends pants to work the next day
Good dick will make you do a lot of things… Great dick will make you consider buying a house.
May I make reservations with your penis for this evening?
I think i just made eye contact with his roommate... while doing reverse cowgirl. Yup i have no shamee
She woke up, peed in the sink and then passed out again, it's only 2 in the afternoon
Randomize
