I'm watching harry potter...good thing I already know I'm gay
READY
for what?
TO HAVE SEXXXX
i think you have the wrong number
I’m once again drinking at eight am on a Sunday in my tutu. This garment is literally my best purchase ever.
got so drunk i was kicked out of my own birthday party and tried taking a bottle of vodka with me
Someone just asked me if ur the girl that fell through the floor. I HAD to say yes.
I actually took a sword out of your hands. You were samurai slashing lemons to make chasers.
Wonderful brian is stoned out of his mind, floating in a lawn chair in the hot tub eating a giant plate of macaroni and staring at the moon
I don't understand how these people can do extreme gymnastics and I have problems walking up the stairs.
Know your penis has been the topic of conversation over glasses of wine.
Stop touching yourself.
Wtf!?!?!?! Did you install a camera???
new district manager is here. you need to come in early
5th mimosa says otherwise
If I'm going to risk life and limb to wear a Wings jersey to the Garden next week, the least they can do is win.
And the most would be ending up in bed with one of them.
We were drunk having sex and I knocked over her bedside table/fish bowl and she jumped off to check if her fish was still alive but she made me pasta so it's cool
You told me I got kicked out of the bar for lipping off to the bouncers... what shocked me the most was that I made it to the bar
you missed a good time last night.
you texted me at 10 telling me to come fuck you, that says enough.
Randomize
