i just remebered what i did last night, i asked a homeless man on a bike "hey whatcha doin with that bike, wanna make 5 bucks?" he agreed and then rode me on his handle bars a block away to the next bar.
You closed the sidewalk off to pedestrians last night. With a glitter covered safety cone
you were watching a documentary about sharks and wouldn't stop stroking my legs and whispering "what if they could walk?"
she's using motion activated glade air fresheners as some sort of early warning system
Random memory from the wedding, the bartender showed us how to open the windows and piss out of them.
We went to Denny's and he threatened to fight an entire high school track team by himself
Now that I've quit blow, I think I'm allergic to my cat....
i want to platonically make out with them, platonically. in the back of this minivan
You gave me a bottle of tequila and introduced me to a ginger named cowboy. I actually love you.
So high, just applauded for a magic trick on Hulu.
Two of the boys I banged while living in that house are about to move into it hahhaaha
Thanks for duct tapping my dick to my leg while I was passed out. I could only aim straight down. I stood on your bed. Have a nice day at work!
But we made up last night and had unbelievably crazy sex tonight. I legit went blind for like 15mins from him choking me. It was awesome
We are gonna play a game I like to call what the fuck is in my pocket
I threw up all of my purple drank and thats really important
Randomize
