Also, I'm sitting at a crosswalk watching two Mexican gangs fight each other. I miss you too. A lot.
So for Valentine's Day...I finally swallowed. I feel like I earned that steak.
It was like she tried to cover up all the weight she gained with a fake tan...
Just found cake in my bra, debating if I should eat it
I think I broke a hole in her wall trying to do backflips
im tired of her bring homeless men home when shes drunk. THEY ARE NOT FUCKING PETS!!!!
She was grinding on him and then she was eating a Big Mac. Who the hell brings a Big Mac to the club?
Sometimes you just have to have sex for a Netflix password.
oh my god. picked the worst day ever to not wear underwear...
I'm just gonna stop you right there because there is, in fact, no such thing.
You cannot meet up with him at the tailgate, his parents are there. What are you going to say "Hi I'm the one who fucks your son, can I get a cheeseburger?"
I am literally sitting here with a jar of Nutella and a spoon, reading an article called "never drink alone again because now there's wine for cats." How single am I?
They ran out of toilet paper so I used the rug to wipe my vagina
Thirty seconds is a long time in jizz time...
i forgot how loud opening a beer is in a house where your not allowed to drink
you said, "I wonder what your mum is doing right now." in the middle of sex, of course I threw up on you.
Randomize
