Rocking a Headband at the strip club, because of Rock of Love this shit is like their kryptonite, I smell like stripper butter and back child support.
I told her we could go facebook official. If she ups the oral.
I am telling you that nothing wakes you up like stomach acid exiting your nostrils at 10AM
All I know is he mentioned whips, leather cuffs, and a riding crop. It's like Halloween, Christmas, and My birthday all in one. a 5 year old couldn't even possibly be this excited.
It's all good. Going back to my room to try and air out my balls.
Highlight of the week: I had sex with a B movie star wearing an eye patch.
The number of times I've puked in the Walgreens bathroom is becoming way too many for my pride.
after she rolled over and said 'i'm so glad you're like my gay best friend, love you' then left. did i just get friendzoned AFTER sex??
As I was sneaking out of his house last night his moms lover was sneaking in, he held the door for me...
probably one of the worst weekends ever... i got peed on by his sleepwalking roommate.
all i remember was her shitting herself and asking me to call her parents.....i so didn't. when i woke up she was gone and left a note saying "we will be lovers forever"
We looked in every room for condoms... It was the sexiest scavenger hunt ever.
Oh god now he thinks I'm into him because I've been staring at him trying to figure out what animal he looked like
He tried to do the do on me last night and my exact words were "stay away from my princess parts. they're renovating."
I woke up with a black eye and a buttplug...not sure I really want to know what happened.
Randomize
