Dude if you're in another zip code it doesn't count
You don't understand. I'm not like you.
I never Thought the day id see a chick shove a 2liter up her vag. that happened last night
I'm watching Terminator eating a jar of marshmallow fluff. Trust me, you are not fat.
Hello everyone will one of you please inform me on why I woke up in a cardboard recycle dumpster with no shirt and a stuffed animal? I want to hear this explanation.
Your godly.
Just look for the house with the beer knights.
Ummm so I just found the baby pumpkin that was on my porch last night in Village Pizza this morning on their counter. The cashier said some drunk girl came in and told him it was a present.
Last thing I remember is Dusty riding the bikes we "borrowed" from the hotel through the CVS while the rest of us picked up the girls who were laughing at him
No dude I got way too drunk to function. 90% sure I tried to FaceTime 911.
It's been over a year since we've been get-so-drunk-you-throw-beer-cans-at-fat-girls-drunk together. That needs to change.
Well we were going to compare notes, but all I could remember was throwing up, and all she could remember was kissing, so then we decided to not compare anything.
In the pie chart of my life, she is a huge part of why I drink.
I JUST SEARCHED GINGER COCK ON TUMBLR AND THEY'RE ALL REALLY WELL HUNG? I'M CRYING. IS THIS HOW GINGERS KEEP REPRODUCING?
WHAT IS WRONG WITH YOU?
not ubering you a puppy
Hey remind me the get the pancakes out of my jacket
Also, two points for knowing me well enough to know I definitely would put the moves on his brother.
Randomize
