Pls tell me she didnt actually sign a nutsack.
i just noticed 4 flies in my red wine. i drank them.
I'm pretty sure God is rooting for me with this two gf thing
Can you bring me a pair of sunglasses to the bathroom please... Don't judge me.
I also tried to drunkenly adopt a kitten last night. It didn't pan out.
my nipple ring is gone but someone was nice enough to replace it with a paperclip
So how many licks to the face does it take to get kicked out of the bar?
As a fat white girl from Texas I can honestly say that she gave fat white girls from Texas a bad name.
I got written up at work for smelling like sex and vodka. Still not sure how they put that into professional terms.
She was a little hefty, so I turned on the strobe light in our room. Everything looks better with a strobe light.
I don't know what to think. Also, I decided to take a bath...sorry in advance if I flood the bathroom.
He saw one of my bras on the floor and said "damn you could eat soup out of this"
Well at least I still have a burrito in my pocket.
Weird, Jen didn't know mixers were solely for coloring purposes. Don't call me an alcoholic because you're uneducated
Exactly man. Who needs doctors when you have vodka and hot knives.
Randomize
