Do you have any idea why the dryer isn't working?
Because you touch yourself at night.
i bet jesus would rush if he went to usc
walkin around the woods blazed, drawing pictures of trees and plants, i get a grade for this
just left a line of flour and citric acid on the dresser for my roommate to find. teach that bastard to steal my coke!
it got awkward when the only couple not hooking up was just watching..
Okay well someone asked "IS HE HOMELESS?" about me so I need to try and find somebody.
Every time I get scared about the fact that I'm falling for him I remember that he juggles and is hung like a mastadon and everything is a-ok.
Is there a law against that?
Nope not at all. Just morals. But fuck it, this is college, not real life.
If me getting shot doesn't get me pussy I am officially gay
This is literally engraved into my seat "Need crack?" And then there's a number. This isn't real.
tell her i changed her phone's unlock password to be the length of my fully erect penis in centimeters. I'll be in my room for the next two hours.
I apologize in advance for the amount of cleavage I'll be exposing your boyfriend to.
He was shirtless in my yard saying he was jesus
their motto was "the first one to get arrested wins" so of course today was interesting
My apartment stinks of burning failure
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