Just traded a samurai sword for some drugs. It's gonna be one random ass night
Shes been standing with her arms crossed in front of the mirror for 45 minutes...she told me she's "getting sober"
Her brother is definitely not gay. I hooked up with him when she was sleeping.
he told me i smelled like babies and pine needles and he wanted to bathe with me. new boyfriend is not a keeper
Sorry my hands just texted you
Hey girl, do you remember you made me brush your hair with a plastic fork on Saturday night?
Is it a bad thing that I'm trimming my nose hairs in anticipation for the 8ball to be delivered?
I woke up with my earring stuck inbetween my tits. Somehow you fucked my earring out and my boobs saved it. I'm pretty impressed with both of us right now.
Getting robbed by hookers is def a right of passage in a mans life
Fuck that guy and his dumb haircut and awesome dick
you do realize the next step is naked mud wrestling, right?
The bride is so wasted, she fell into her cake.I wanna be on her level
finals do horrible things to a person. i haven't worn pants since friday
Lol it's kinda hilarious. I left missing one glass... guage. I feel like Cinderella... but less classy.
I guess we coulda said a little less mature audience and a little more e for everyone.
Randomize
