i just rode the bull and i see vomit in my future.
i just fell asleep at my computer and i woke up and in the google bar it said delicious foods to eat
god, you should never be in the FBI. you'd give away america's secrets to any boy who asked.
We just used hot candle wax from our joint lighting candle to make a bunch of new small ones how stoned are we
yeah bitch needs to recognize there's only one person with this face
I just told my boyfriend I think I might be pregnant using Emoji icons....
which icon did you use to tell him he's not the father?
You got ahold of his prescription papers and gave out prescriptions for cranberry and vodka
I woke up because I was nodding to the dream question of "would you like a sombrero?"
Weekdays seemed more exciting when I had a drinking problem. Like I had something to look forward to at night.
More cowboy butts than you can shake a stick at, oh joy.
OK. i'm going to add "riddle me this, brodawg" to the list of things i'm never gonna say to my boss again while i'm high.
he may or may not have motorboated me on the steps of the library of congress
Yes ma'am.Im also looking at my collection of penis pictures in my email playing "who;s penis is that"?
Had to decide between a hook up at the train restroom or getting to work on time #growingup
I'm pants less watching buffy the vampire slayer drinking rum. I'm not that hard to impress
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