My friends, they love my intelligence
Dude, I'm in her bathroom and there's crab shampoo... is it worth the risk?
You're missing what this discovery implies... she's got a fucking bush.
I wish there were wingman of the year awards.
my ex gf has sooo many hot friends... i feel like im at a grocery store when on her fb... just shopping around.
I woke up at 3am naked and stroking a watermelon.
You tried to poop in the sink last night.
and hes going back to rehab like me, so we have common interests
I am at 2.05 miles in under 11 minutes. So either this thing is broke or I should always work out wasted.
The lifeguard told us we had to move Mike before the tide came in when he passed out.
your drunk ass trust falled a guy double fisting bud limes and as a result your head bounced off the patio table. So that might explain the stitches on the back of your head.
I was having the most awesome dream about onion rings and you hit me and told me to stop touching you...WTF?
He? As in you personified your dick?
Look I'm really high right now, and if I were to leave this house, it would be for the sole purpose of getting an ice cream sandwich. So can you please just do it.
I threw up in the bathtub last night like a decent human being.
you do realize the next step is naked mud wrestling, right?
Do u think the bouncer will let me in with a giant stuffed snake?
Randomize
