you want me
i'd rather choke on a dick.
But never have I ever had sex with a dirty talker before, so it was something else, to say the least. I signed up to get laid, not play Penthouse Mad Libs.
I just spent the last 30 minutes shaving my asshole.
Apparently married women at the office don't like getting congratulated on getting "knocked up"
My mom make sausages for dinner...and all I could think of was your dog's penis..
An alarm set every 45 minutes saying "FATTY" and one every afternoon saying "CASPER" every day until spring break is a foolproof plan to being bikini ready
My roommate has every episode of Full House. I'm going to fail my midterm tomorrow.
He's doing the 1:45AM lap: he goes around the bar, finds the hottest crying girl 15 minutes before close, and brings her home. I would feel bad for the girls if it wasn't such incredible genius.
Lesbian chick is doing her presentation on the time she woke up on the dockside still drunk at 7 am. This is why I show up to chinese class.
Woke up this morning in a randoms bed clutching an airplane ticket. God I hope I'm still in the country
I opened up my wallet and it was filled with puke.
I can always see lesbian subplot. It's my hero ability.
And I must've sleep walked to the fridge cause when I woke up, there I was, balls deep in a fudge pop.
Still can’t get over the fact that we ate beef jerky off a strip club floor
This may sound strange but do you have my pants?
You tried to trade them for some girls skirt... So she has them...
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