Just wanted to let you know that if you need my services as a male dancer for his birthday, let me kno so I can clear my schedule
either fucking kiss her or kick her ass to the curb. Either way I can hear everything you are saying
Just saw a commercial bout this girl that lost 54 lbs on a taco bell diet. so thats my excuse.
I honestly don't know what my boundaries are, but shitting on me is crossing them.
She threw all the patio furniture in the pool saying she was building a castle.
Somehow she slept thru the vacuuming, people walking in and out, and the sound of constant beer bottles hitting the trash, but when someone said weed in a regular volume of voice she startled awake.
You're getting a blowjob this afternoon. This has been your morning public service announcement.
Law school has no idea what kind of prospect they have coming in. I just convinced a cop not to take me to jail by asking him if he really felt like cleaning puke out of his car tonight.
I'm getting a car wash man. I am go get a car wash high.
Dude at the bar last night came into the bathroom, drop kicked the stall open and start saying lines from happy Gilmore as he was shitting, "go in your home! Are you too good for your home?!"
If it snows I'm making an igloo and getting wasted in it
I made the last cup in beer pong off the dude's hat. I also faintly remember rapping Forever by Drake during said game.
I'm having shoppers remorse over a dildo
we're at the bar celebrating my ex bootycall getting his new gf pregnant... and me narrowly escaping a future as kitty foreman
Stopping for a booty call on the way to a lunch date... Bad form?
Randomize
