i just googled "what is oprah really like?" how do YOU think my night is going?
is it bad that the only reason i knew what antidote meant in class today, was from years of playing pokemon?
In retrospect pumpkin carving while drinking Patron was a bad idea.
I can't believe you just thanked me for a blowjob on my Facebook wall...
At least in the future when we're all real people we can laugh about the time we all had scabies together?
Just found a uh poem I wrote on ambien. It says to "cry your seamen filled tears" and "I hope you take a dagger to your vagina" and at the end it says "sincerely, God". What.the.fuck do they put in that pill?
ARE YOU SAYING THAT YOU DON'T WANT TO GO TO A PARTY AT AN ADULT STORE WHERE A BUNCH OF HOT GIRLS ARE DRINKING
She made this little rubber cap thing that looks like a brain to go on my dick. She calls it a "penis cap". Industrial design students are weird...
Just made a bong out of a pineapple. So yes.. And champagne is about to be popped
I have commenced my lesbian college experimentation. Wish me luck
Her mom came in and passed out drunk on the floor next to us while she was riding me, "it's all good, she does this all the time" is what she said
Waking up drunk is great, waking up drunk and hanging with your mom is even better.
woke up and you werent here...its ok if we're never going to speak again but my furry hand cuffs are missing and i would like them back. thanks.
He was publicly touching my boobs before I even knew he's a famous World Cup skier.... That's how hot he was
He eats ass but won’t hold open doors. My kinda guy.
Chivalry really is dead.
Randomize
