omg he said he wants to insert his penis into my vagnia what do i say
tell him to stop quoting family guy
hey in girl talk does "want to come over tonight and have some beers with me?" mean i want wiener?
im bored tell me something entertaining
You got period blood on my carpet. I lied to my mom and said it was jam.
...I woke up with a yo yo in my underwear...
I want to apologize 3 days in advance for what's about to take place on St. Patrick's day.
Does it make me a prostitute if I accepted a Life House concert ticket for giving this guy head?
No. It just means your good at giving head.
Is moral bankruptcy something you need to file for?
apparently i told her i wouldn't press charges if she brought me food.
His idea of romance is drunkenly leaving me dead dandelions on my car in the middle of the night
Hide in the closet. if you hear me yell patato salad come out swinging.
Cooked breakfast with his mom this morning...I'm like the housewife of one night stands
Kripsy Kremes at our place, bring your own coffee. And your own donuts because these ones are ours.
At least life still wants to fuck me.
Yeah, sorry about that. Dropped the phone on my face while I was watching porn.
So I sniffed too hard this morning before work and I THINK THE COCAINE JUST STARTED ROUND 2.
Randomize
