i may or may not be watching the land before time
i popped this huge zit on her back while she was blowing me. it was like a disgusting metaphor for what happened 30 seconds later.
Just puked in a mcdonalds cup while driving. Didn't even swerve.
I just saw on the news, this guy tried to smuggle coke in a bouquet of roses... and to think I used to hate valentines day.
I keep calling his kid the wring name. This is not helping my cause. And by cause mean his dick
he paid for dinner at the eiffel tower. drinks at a bar on the champs elysees. gave me a motorcycle ride back to his house, got us heineken and then took me to park overlooking paris. where he ate me out on a park bench. still have doubts about the french?
Valentines day isn't about being a couple in love..... It's about chocolate and faking orgasms.
The landlord called, GOOD NEWS! Noise violation #2! Something about people singing and fighting with vodka bottles in the parking lot. Well done us.
No more vodka shots for you. Last night you begged a man on your knees to sell you his beard. He had no beard.
I was thinking more like a "sorry you can hear us, but I'm having the best sex of my life" cake
I was smelling my bathroom to make sure it didn't reek of weed...I spaced out and realized I was face to the wall sniffing it for 5 minutes.
He's so in love with you that you could fuck a blood relative and he'd be like "I just want you to be happy"
My relationship: I'm wearing batman panties and a tiara right now trying to get laid and he's doing dishes.
That's the second time the same cop pulled me over well a different girl was giving me road head
I don't see why I have to pay for it.
your head went through the window, you're pretty much obligated to pay for it.
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