ya and he came three minutes into it because he didnt have sex all summer
oh that makes more sense i knew you arent that good
is it customary for a bride to wear white even if she's a whore? i feel tie-dye would have been more accurate
dude all my bootycalls are going to Eclipse tonight... Do I really want it that bad?
In the middle of having sex with me, she reminded me that I was supposed to call my mom that morning. My penis has never retracted so quickly.
Alosmot hir two of of mt mailanoxwa
Oh Jesus.
I think the duck is in my room. You have no idea how much worse a duck makes a hangover
Come on, without my personality, I'm a pretty good one night stand.
Last time he went to Europe, every time he started drinking he would wake up in a different country with no memory. There is no way he can be tour leader.
Got head last night. Had the 3D glasses on the whole time.
Whenever you get off. By "pick me up from work" I mean, "pick me up from a bar by work at your earliest convenience" :)
Do you have any puffy paint? I want to put "fiesta muthafuckas" on my sombrero but its too much to bedazzle.
I forgot that places existed where drinking on Sunday is frowned upon. It's just so unreasonable.
She called and said her prescription was refilled. I guess we are dating again.
I've done dumber things than this for flimsier reasons. Come with. If I pull it off I need a witness, and if I fail I need an escape plan.
Just got back from a Walmart run. The music went straight from Kid Rock to John Phillip Souza. If that doesn't scream 'MURICA I don't know what will. Happy 4th!
Randomize
