Sweetheart, you've always been a horrid bitch...
ok i'm going to motor boat your sister now. ttyl
I dont ever wanna see you tell my little brother to "spread the seed" ever again
Day two of vacation and my first drink of the day is a plan b colada
her parents were awake and in the next room. i think i deserve a big fucking medal for that orgasm.
The only people who have said happy valentines day to me today have been 2 homeless people.
oh, you know. just sitting in my bed high as fuck wearing a windbreaker and watching british tv.
You know summer is almost over when ur school booty calls start hitting u up as if solidifying their spot in drunken mistakes for next semester
Last thing i remember is pounding jager and puking in that nerds george foreman grill. Then i wake up this morning with some random tooth brush in my mouth
Sorry we couldn't "turn off the mirrors." How're you feeling today?
I remember saying your puke looked like a jellyfish and you got very offended.
He is full of southern hospitality and I want to be full of him.
Well I think won that argument, as the cops were leaving, they offered me a ride to the airport
So my booty call knows your bf. Apparently they were in jail together
Either he pets my cat or this deal is null
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