just found out there is no tactful way to ask your girlfriend to wax her stache. no matter what a google search would have you believe.
I put the beer in my little red riding hood basket.
its a saturday night. im home alone watching legally blonde, eating week old birthday cake and drinking milk out of the carton. so yeah im doing real well
She had to leave early so she could get ready for her high school's homecoming. I hope her date likes sloppy seconds.
Can we just ponder our lives for a second.
No I think my brain may implode in a puff of cocaine and sparkles.
When we were eating pie last night, I dropped some, and not only did you not judge me for far surpassing the 5 second rule, you let me use your foot to sock mop with. You're a good friend.
The only way that night could have gotten any better would be if a unicorn would descend from the heavens with a nacho bell grande in a bag around its horn beat boxing Hakunah Matata.
Just peed out a window, not entirely sure it's open. Can't tell. I'll find out in the morning.
he said we should drink responsibly and we all just kinda sat there laughing at him
Its honestly only a matter of time before I punch him in the face... I'll try to control myself until you guys break up
What procrastination leads to: I have submitted a third of my job applications this week with a BAC that would get me arrested
Why would you waste your Ritalin on your children?
Nothing like introducing yourself to your high school boyfriend's wife as "the girl who took his virginity"
so we just got back from swapping peoples patio furniture around to different patios. some people might like unexpected change. others might regret living on the ground floor.
My sensibilities as a lady demand we cuddle on the couch, and THEN have loud, raunchy sex. Idk, what do you want to do?
Randomize
