it's not gay if you rub your penis between their butt cheeks and pretend they are tits
I thought this kinda shit only happens to ugly people
So high. I just took a picture of my chewed gum so I can remember to paint a picture of it as a cloud later.
My vagina just recognized that song.
No that's sign language, not a drinking game. I tried to join
I was really excited when he said that condoms didn't fit him, then he added "they fall right off"...
He showed me one of his balls and said "this one's free. you'll have to work to see the other.."
Due to the events of st patties day last year I created a moral and ethical policy so that I won't get kicked out of the bar again. It mostly consists of not wearing pants so then I don't take them off at the bar.. and subsequently get kicked out.
Using a 12 year old as a wingman. Does that make me a bad person?
Hahahaha .. If it makes you feel better I had a sex dream about a cheeseburger last night so I feel like we both lose.
i just told him to get ready, because I'm going to be taking out my anger over the Super Bowl out on his penis.
Ate his Chinese food and drank his beer and played with his chihuahua. All while wrapped in a towel while he was sleep.
Can you please venmo me emergency money? i have no pants.
Theres a handprint of sauce on my fridge, one on my face, and a trail of it leading to my bedroom, and sauce all in my bed, and I have no idea what the fuck i ate.
Actually I learned to fire a 357 Magnum at the age of ten while on my very first period
Randomize
