So I'm stoned for 420, and have an eye doctor appointment in fifteen minutes
Are your eyes okay
I mean if I was Asian they would be
I unwillingly was the ball between four hungry hippos last night. I thought the one chick was actually going to eat me
laughing at 16 and pregnant while fucking w/o a condom....
i always knew you were classy
I have a breathe right strip stuck to my forehead, several inexplicable bruises and I think someone tried to paint my nails with glue, but I still have my Santa hat. I'm gonna call this one a success.
I don't know man, I have to ask my girlfriend if I can borrow my balls from her purse.
Hey start looking around for a low rider Subaru. Well get a loan. It will be capital for our first music video.
I guess she fell asleep at the strip club and the other one was crying because she had a vagina in her face. Happy 21st!
As long as you don't want to make a shrine out of my eyelashes It's all good
I walked in on him fucking my best friend. I think we've reached the point of following each other on twitter.
... and smoked a joint with my new landlord. I'm starting to like Germany.
We did it to 80's cardio music. Talk about a workout.
Was just trying to have a normal "I fucked you without a condom" adult conversation and she flipped
Also fuck yeah conspiracy
Hey, before I head out, whats your policy on casual drug use and one night stands?
i guess "never drinking again" is not an option when you invent a whole new level of drunk...
Randomize
