Fucked her within an inch of her life. Seriously. Don't choke bitches when they ask. Was way too drunk to be pulling that shit.
She paints her nails the color of the sheets of the last guy she slept with
dream priorities were more important than voting today. don't tell me you wouldn't keep going back to sleep to find out who would win a fight between oprah and godzilla
everyone at work keeps looking at me like they know I got the herp this weekend
My mom just saw the bruise on my chest from the bite mark he left. Played it off that I hit myself w a box of beauty products. She believed me. God I love working retail sometimes.
There's a girl in the bathroom crying about something having to do with cream cheese.
Basically I don't wanna put on pants...but I'm stoked for drinking my face off tomorrow.
btw telling the cab driver, that took you to your booty call that is now returning your wallet that you left in his cab, that you want to hug him is awkward
I'm washing down the sadness with shots of vodka.
How's dinner? Come here? You can bring your boyfriend if you're ok leaving without him
also, sleeping with your chipotle guy sounds like a good idea until you want chipotle on your day off and have to look somewhat presentable to acquire said chipotle.
He propositioned me for a threesome once so yeah I'd say he has what it takes to run for public office
I gave him a BJ in the shower
I just fell and it seemed like a good idea when I was down there
Yea. You locked yourself outside naked with nothing but running shoes and claimed it was a "parent trap thing."
Good morning! Spongebob is on channel 257 when you wake up. Help yourself to breakfast. You were great last night. See you when I get back.
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