I don't think your that much of a whore. your like a whore-let. a mini whore.
Driving out to Plano is like driving away from your twenties
Suite mates just came in and said that we have to go to Africa. They're already packed. Didn't know you could get that high.
Can you please check on Jay? He just called and left a Backstreet Boys song on my voicemail. Either it's 1998, or someone needs to go back to rehab.
he said 'i love fucking you, ashley'. it was the most romantic thing he's said during sex because he actually used my name.
They asked me to help them shop for lingerie.
Tell them everything looks awful, makes their ass look fat, etc. You'll wreck their self esteem and likely both have sex with you to make themselves feel better.
You're the most understanding sister I could ever ask for.
dude you cant keep breaking into my house just to raid my fridge.. especially at 3AM.
She bit a glowstick open. Apparently they burn. We bonded while she washed the chemicals out of her mouth as I did double shots of Jager.
Be subtle and tell lucas that he should sleep here tonight. And by subtle, i mean show him this text...
My unemployment came through so I'd like to thank the taxpayers of Utah in advance for my level of intoxication this weekend
she put on her moms wedding dress and is chugging purple jolly rancher vodka, happy cyber monday
How much more is Amanda Bynes going to rip out our hearts?!?!?
When she said "Tighten your safety belt and hold on!", that should have been a clear sign to me that one should never go off-roading in a rental car. On the bright side, they were able to tow her car out the next morning.
This is a friendly reminder to try not to shit on the toilet seat. If our 4 year old can manage it, I think you can too.
The worst thing about buying this extremely comfortable bed is that once I get a girl into it, all she wants to do is sleep. I want my fucking money back.
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