apparently, it's not a good idea to make jokes about sending newborns through airport security xrays. the moms dont see the humor.
But why'd she put it on the conveyor then?
So the girl I hooked up with last night pretended to be from Comcast when my girlfriend stopped by this morning. She even made a fake appointment to check her internet. Best hookup ever.
its 9am and we're in an escalade. I have no shoes and my dress is on backwards. I feel like we're the morning after a rap video
I'm not a pervert.. I just like to be naked...
his penis is PERFECT
I want to put it in a shoebox and place cottonbls around it to protect it from any harm
or knit it little hat
I gotta stop tellin complete strangers at the bar that they're the godparents to my first born
i yelled at him for a little and we ended up fucking in a random tennis court.
At one point I was waiting in line for the port o potties and a storm trooper came out of one and sprayed me in the face with a water gun
Like that actually happened I wasn't hallucinating
Confirm that you received these messages so that I know you feel the agony of my vagina. There is such a thing as "too many penises".
I can't tell if I have the Pizza Hut shits or beer shits
He's super sweet. I feel like I'm dating Elmo. If Elmo had a 7 incher
I think he has some internal "man stuff" that keeps getting in the way.
Like alcoholism and general douchbagary.
I hate when pubes grow back. My mons is a warzone.
He was publicly touching my boobs before I even knew he's a famous World Cup skier.... That's how hot he was
if wiping your ass w an envelope isnt the definition of hitting "financial rock bottom " then nothing is!
Randomize
