FYI... At my funeral, it will be your job to throw yourself dramatically onto my casket.
Denmark girl wants me to go out but i remembered shes a raging whore with extremely questionable morals. Not feelin that tonight
then for some reason i googled "how much to buy a cannon"
ARE YOU ALIVE? usually when i say lets start drinking at inappropriate times you come right over. im worried
Great. Me and the intoxalock guy are getting so close he just said "alright see you later girl!" when I called about getting the blower recallibrated.
this is your 3rd pregnancy scare in 2 years, I think its time for you to re-evaluate the whole 'im a lesbian' thing
He was using OnStar to get directions to the bar. I'm pretty sure he'd have gotten her number too if I hadn't disconnected the call.
He tried to spell out "PROM?" in his cum on my stomach during sex. It was terrible
well did you say yes?
To my ex and my favorite mistake: I totally enjoyed hearing you have erectile disfunction via baby monitor!
YOU'RE HIGH AND AT THE GYM OF COURSE YOU FEEL WEIRD
My thighs feel like glass
She's dressed as a slutty goth schoolgirl. Those are my three favorite things. God himself could not give me whiskey dick.
Omg have I shown you my skeezy ex fiancée?
The other one.
Sensing a theme here
If alcoholism is a theme, yes.
We free pour in this house. Measuring alcohol is for the weak
Stacy lit a fart and burn half of the couch down before we can put the Flames out. Bring your truck.
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