There was a fist fight in my basement last night at four in the morning, in case you were wondering
I would wrestle an alligator for a bj right now
I think you came in my ear last night and I had to pick it out infront of my kids in class today
Do you ever look back at facebook pics and say, "are those really guys I had sex with?"
I think I could pass a breathalyzer. But with like a C.
I have the Everlasting Gobstopper of boners right now. It's kinda like a gift from god, but I don't want to spend anymore time with this girl than I have to.
Monday morning margarita madness at ny house. Yes before wheel of fortune. Yes day drinking.
She was moaning so loud as i walked out of the room her roommates gave me a standing ovation... i think they are next
Tell Taylor to rock on. Tell her she is so beautiful that the sun shines down on her face and shows her beauty. Tell her to live on, like Martin Luther King. He'll never die. He's living his dreams.
If you don't ever hear from me again, just know that I loved you
Jesus Christ that's like a real possibility
Oh. I'm probably going to just get a viagra and ruin your life.
we had a full conversation and he only brought up drugs twice. overall I'd call it a success
I woke up this morning wearing his boxers as a shirt
went out last night. woke up with a lisp.
did you just correct my grammar and then send me a photo of your dick?
Randomize
