I just woke up surrounded in unopened snacks
what made it akward was his girlfriends dog watching us have sex
I started the year with 2,800 dollars and am now down to 83 dollars-one of which i use to snort my focalin. I have given up on food and am perplexed as to how I can make 82 dollars last more than two weekends for booze
you make it seem like sunflower seeds and pinot grigio are not in the food pyramid.
And then she proceeded to fling her bra around while screaming the rocket power theme song, still managing to not fall off the skateboard
My prof gave me extra credit for drawing a ninja on my paper and writing "ninja will up my grade"
Would it be bad if I bought her bread, meat, cheese, and stuff as her christmas present so she can make me a sandwich?
we are blowing up condoms and making balloons and we’re drunk on the floor. You could have come to school here
Would fucking the college coach be against recruiting rules?
The bend and snap? 98% success rate of getting attention. When used appropriately, it has an 83% rate of return on a dinner invitation.
I woke up to my one night stand and he said, "now that's the one to beat"
I'd google it, but I don't really want my search history to say, "Name for masturbating on a flight."
I just remembered that last night I seriously contemplated swallowing the cap to my toothpaste
I woke up to Elf. I don't know which one of you put that in my DVD player when I passed out but I appreciate you.
Emergency thong? Check! Suspension bondage is a go!
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