Sexting assembly today. Fuck yes
There was this creepy guy on the bus. So I puffed out my stomach & began so hold my stomach like I was preggers.
Kirsten Dunst is sitting next to me in a bar in NYC
Tell her I want my money back for Elizabethtown.
I really think my ability to vom without making noise mmight be my most useful talent
This is the kind of period I feel I should name out of respect to the fact I might have just gotten lucky this time.....
My roommate just got home. Made an entire package of bacon. Ate it. And then went to bed.
making your facebook status TEQUILA is like basically saying "im easy tonight. feel free to take advantage"
was it morally wrong to have used his girlfriends makeup after i fucked him?
So i forgot that my head is completely wrapped in gauze, and tried to do the "come hither" look. He think's i'm brain damaged
The paramedics came back to shotgun beers with us.
I don't trust myself to shower and not drown.
I don't care how much you're grieving a loss, masturbating off the side of a roof is not acceptable mourning behavior.
So I should just walk in, look him in the eye and say, "I just came to fuck your brother, nice to meet you" and just walk to your room.
Dude, you GARGLED with bleu cheese last night!
I hate to be the bearer of bad news, but yours is no longer the biggest penis I've seen. It is however, still the prettiest.
Randomize
