I just put out an orange level terrorist threat on her punani
Oscar is the man. He keeps getting pictures of hot nude women with messages in spanish saying "i hope you like it" sent to his phone
whose oscar?
the baller who i guess decided to give out a fake number at the bar last weekend. luckily that fake number was mine. i have enough porn to last me until next month.
I'm pretty sure I saw a man standing on a table with no shirt on getting sugar thrown at him while "pour some sugar on me" blaring while the cops were in the house.
Just saw two dudes run across the street carrying a mini keg and a scaled model of the empire state building. Missed this town
I was in the bathroom puking up mountains of tequila and when he came to help me, I held the door shut and kept yelling at him to let me be a lady.
Just pull your dick out and wink at her, its a game changing play
Nothing is creepier than a guy telling you "I was just thinking about you" in a men's bathroom when taking a shit
I walked into a room this morning and someone asked how my back was because I apparently threw myself off the porch after attempting to set myself on fire. Who the fuck let drunk me play with fire?!
Better question: who the fuck planted a tree next to the porch?!
I hope you get stoned and think that you're a seal in shark infested waters
I tried to be mean but not so mean that he won't bone me next weekend
My 1st STD. I feel like there should be a cake for this.
I can't believe I'm going to buy bitcoin to pay for erection pills
Shotgunning beers in the shower. Mom would be proud.
Ya that dick wasn't worth burning a perfectly good pizza.
You live and learn.
Dick is dick. I’m not turning it down because he’s younger than me. Covid has been a real cockblock and I’m a woman with needs
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